FRL! Investigates: FAT MORMON ASSES

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It all started on my bus ride home on the 16. As we crawled down Mission Street, I see a pack of 4 white boys, dressed not unlike what one might find in Cowell. I noticed two things immediately. The first was that they were heading in the direction of my house, and the second was their fat asses. Then to my surprise, I spot the tell-tale ties and nametags. The juxtaposition was shocking. For the first time in my life I saw the true duality of man. I understood what the bible went when they said that Jesus was fully human and fully divine. These young men were fully thick and fully chaste. My mind went a million directions, most of them straight to hell. My housemate Logan had told me of the mystery of Mormon ass, opening my mind to the possibility, but this was the first time I had seen it with my own eyes. I thought to myself, how could this happen? How is this fair? I then concluded that this must be due to all the walking. As I got off my bus, following in the same direction just a half block behind them, I continued to stare at the planet-sized asses in front of me. Even at my sinfully caffeinated pace, I could not keep up with them. With each step, their cheeks clapped, shaking the sidewalk below me. I tried to catch up with them, but I lacked the glute muscles and the pure god-fearing drive they possess to continue on their journeys. They left me in the dust to ponder the wonder I had just seen. Would anyone ever believe me?