Opinion: 647,000 Die From Heart Disease Annually, THAT’S 646,999 TOO MANY!

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A report from the World Health Organization recently confirmed that 647,000 Americans will die from heart disease annually. This is 646,999 too many. 99.9% of those who die of this horrible ailment were presumably innocent and caring people. Most of them surely didn’t engage in deceit and lying. I’m sure the majority of them didn’t organize a high-stakes arms deal in the Gulf of Mexico that led to fifty dead cartel men and DEA agents. I’m also sure that most of them didn’t forget to write down the coordinates of the lock box with the money before plunging face first into the bloody waters of the Gulf, strewn with the blood and entrails of a hundred screaming men, leaving me with no money and a bounty on my head from El Rapaz, Mexico’s most notorious dinosaur drug kingpin. As a nation we must take steps to end the horrible scourge of heart disease.