Cancel Culture Is Killing Our Princesses

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by A Fan of the ORIGINAL Grimm Brothers Tales, Who Is Not In The Pocket Of Big Fairy

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Well, I’ve just gotten hold of a copy of Charles Perrault’s new adaptation of Sleeping Beauty, and let me tell you, dear readers, I am appalled. This inferior, “wokified” version, in an effort to appeal to a new, politically correct audience, includes NO child-cooking, NO burning alive, and almost NO scenes of ambiguous sexual consent. 

Yes, you heard that right. Readers around the world will be horrified to know that when the king sees the sleeping princess, he no longer, as our beloved Basile editions tell us, “gathers the first fruits of love,” instead leaving her entirely alone, sexually speaking. No doubt this is due to some modern critics crying “rape!” at the slightest act of having sex with a much younger woman you do not know while she is asleep. You may well wonder, without this iconic and beautiful scene, how can the princess give birth to twins while still asleep? how can she wake when one of them sucks at her fingers? how can the queen form a plot to feed the king his own progeny out of wedlock, which must then be thwarted? 

The answer, dear readers, is that none of this can happen. Charles Perrault’s bastardization of this classic children’s text has removed everything that your family once loved. Is there even a point to having a woman in a story if she is not immediately turned into a sexual object for the purpose of magical ambiance? Can we really bond with our children over a tale which does not include someone carrying two entire children completely without their consent? Frankly, readers, I do not think so. 

Now, some will say we could have seen this coming. Indeed, I saw this coming when I reviewed Perrault’s “adaptation” (debasement! destruction! devouring!) of Cinderella, which, among other things, REMOVED the scene of the crows pecking out the eyes of Cinderella’s stepmother and stepsisters. I said at the time, what’s next? Rumors were already swirling that the stepmother in Snow White would no longer be punished by dancing in red-hot iron slippers until she died. Would we soon be removing the cannibalism plot from Sleeping Beauty?

Well, readers, I am sorry to say that apparently we are. Or not so much “we”, but The Enemy: far leftist creatives who think rape is icky. These are the same people who cried foul when we bonded over the family values of Rapunzel getting accidentally pregnant out of wedlock. These are the people who were quick to remove all references to Cinderella’s stepsisters cutting off their own feet to fit into the magic shoes. If they had their way, the Little Mermaid wouldn’t even be asked to murder her beloved prince while he lies sleeping with his new wife.

Our families don’t want these stories. Our children don’t want these stories. Children do not want fairy tales where no toes get cut off; they want traditional family values! In the face of such political correctness, clearly we stand not to gain but to lose. Lose what, you may ask? Our culture, readers. Our culture.

One can only imagine the kind of senseless complaining this may lead to in the future. Still, I pray that, should it come to pass that an animatronic ride adaptation of a further adaptation of a fairy tale include a non-consensual kiss, nobody will dare to analyze it.