Daft Punk Broke Up? I Didn’t Even Know They Were Dating!


By your dad

Hey kiddo, your mom just told me that your favorite french robot couple broke up and that you’re pretty torn up about it. Listen, this is all pretty new to me, you know, robots dating other robots, and stuff like that. Back in my day, it was all about dudes with long hair and rockin attitudes and the thought of robot dating never even passed my mind. But no matter what, know that your mother and I still love you, so you can tell us anything. You know, I myself have been curious enough to look up some pictures of that Boston Dynamics dog, and haha, well, let’s just say I can see the appeal, what with the 7-axis appendage and all. 

Why am I bringing this up? Well, a couple of days ago I was looking for my power tools in your closet because the god damn garage is a mess, and I might have spied a couple of Ace Hardware magazines hiding out in a box. There’s no reason to be embarrassed about it, it’s completely normal to look at pictures of machinery every now and again, but remember that what you see in those magazines isn’t real life. Real industrial machinery depends on the operation and clear boundaries of each individual factory, and every factory has different safety standards so you should always ask to make sure you’re in compliance with the proper protocols.

You don’t have to tell me anything, but your mother and I just want to be part of your life, even if it’s different than ours. And what with those dunderheads in the state legislature, we just wanted to make sure that you know how to be safe, with any coworkers or equipment that you may find at a construction site or industrial facility that you may wander into. Good talk bud, now how about we go down to the ol’ DQ and rustle up a couple of Blizzards?