Okay, we all kinda pretend to know and care about what went down recently on the popular internet forum for all-knowing verified geniuses; yeah I’m talking about the stock market thing aka Gamer Revolution: Level 1. If you’re a layman, and have no interest in legally gambling with the money you were saving up to buy an inflatable, life-size member of the human cast from the hit movie Kangaroo Jack, then hear me out, cuz I’m about to let you in on a dirty little investing secret that will get you stinky rich. Perhaps I should introduce myself: I am Jacques Auff, chief consultant for the Crown College investments and coding homework questions reddit page, so yeah, I’m kind of an expert and mentor figure to the 13 active members.
Always looking for the next big way to gamble more of my parent’s money instead of actually paying attention to my laughably expensive education, I realized a local market was ripe for the plucking and sucking; yeah, I’m talking about the once popular FLX, or Flexi dollars. According to my calculations, FLX is down 300% from the last fiscal trimester and yields look to be promising on short investment margin bettings. Didn’t catch that? Don’t worry, I know my vast knowledge of the US stock market can be intimidating, but if you let me grab your assets tight and squeeze hard, I promise you that in a few weeks time you will have doubled your net worth in Flexi Dollars, effectively crashing the Flexi market.
What is the point of this you may say? It’s to send a message; that while we might not be able to use flexi dollars at dining halls, we still have the power to make a change as the little guys. I mean, with how wide open FLX is, maybe we can own enough liquid to buy up Cowell-Stevenson and actually serve some good food for once. Anyway, if there’s anything to take away, it’s that I can definitely invest your money into FLX, I mean I’m basically the foremost economics expert among students at UCSC who also have a reddit account and also definitely take showers, so I’d say pretty trustworthy. See you when we eat the rich and deep fried mac and cheese bites at the dining hall!