Woodstock 50

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We fully support the decision made by cool, landowning 70-year-old males to throw a festival and swindle a bunch of pseudo-hippy, “was born in the wrong generation,” free spirited, bellbottom wearing reminiscers. As people who could wear that title, we understand why one might want to attempt to re-create it in all of its nostalgic glory. The first Woodstock was a complete shit show. A beautiful shit show. There were no bathrooms, the ground was a garbage can, a 10-mile-long traffic jam, and the festival owners ended up with a debt that currently translates to roughly 6.5-9 million dollars.

The current Woodstock50 is planned for August and the promoters are still stoked even though the financial backers have pulled out (*cough* Fyre Festival *cough*). Although we would love another historic festival about love and power to the people, it’s foolish to try and re-create it. Here’s why Woodstock50 in essence is foolish. No one makes political music anymore. Thank you Lizzy for body-posi badass beats, but where is our anthem about the occupation in Lebanon? A Woodstock without an “I-Feel-Like-I’m-Fixin’-To-Die Rap” is essentially a KidzBop concert: no spice, no joie de vivre, nothing radical. Woodstock was a total shit show that was supported by a rhetoric of community, free love, and expression. Odds are, the festival won’t take place in August. If it does, it’ll also be a shit show. And who knows, maybe in 2069 we will remember this shit show not as a pathetic grasp at profiting off of a beautiful moment in history motivated by political action and art, but as attempt to revisit our groovy past and return to a communal society.

Our final issue with the concert: the lineup posters. They have musicians who were LITERALLY at the ORIGINAL Woodstock listed below “artists” like Halsey and Portugal, The Man. They put Canned Heat under Judah the Lion. Who the FUCK is Judan and the Lion If you are trying to appeal to a certain crowd, and re-create this historic event, a good idea would be to, I don’t know, list David Crosby higher than Akon (Akon we love you please know that we love you, but, you get it).

A few of us at The Fish Rap Live! were feeling pretty confused and anxious about the concert so we broke into the offices in upstate New York. Below we have some top-secret documents we absconded with.