We had the privilege, nay, the pleasure to interview Chancellor Cynthia Larive this past month. We took average to bad notes and recorded it shakily on our voice memo app, so we will recite the knowledge we gained to the best of our ability and the worst of our journalistic integrity. Statements in bold are direct quotes from Cindy. Our questions are written as spoken. Thanks for tuning in. Who let us hold a microphone?

Q: Is there any weight to the rumors of your plan to replace Student Housing West with FratCity as detailed in your exec. order 69? Also, when are we gonna party?

A: “Well, I try to have a good time every day Ooooh she was off to a good start. However, instead of outlining a five step plan for a jello shot bouncy castle, she immediately gave her condolences for those who have hazed or affected by its violence. We weren’t expecting her to be such a sweetie. 10/10 for the shock value of kindness.

Q: Should Santa Cruz enact rent control or are you just a figure head with no experience?

A: No… yadda yadda… it’s complicated… supply… demand… Idk… I bet we could squeeze 40,000 people in here ya? Sure Cindy, keep on pretending that the campus and the city are different entities and that the city of Santa Cruz can hold that kind of student population without causing gentrification or unjust housing markets.

Q: You mentioned you like to have fun. Maybe you are familiar with the game “freak, marry, kill?” Students, Faculty, Staff

A: “Ohh that’s a tough one. I don’t think I can answer that She then bragged about being in everlasting passionate love for 40 years. After some coercion, her answer was as follows: “I guess I would marry our faculty, I would get freaking with the students, and I would kill those who want to bring us down. And that’s not our staff. I’m not gonna play by the rules. I’m a game changer. **I read this allowed to a friend who brought up the question, “do students HAVE to get freaky with her? Is this a mandated law in the student contract? He said he was glad he is now an alum.

Q: You mentioned peaceful protest should be allowed, but how much does the university pay for militarized police presence at AFSCME strikes (which have to occur constantly due to the university and states refusal to instill justice)?

A: How she said this one doesn’t matter. The fucking number she gave does. $200,000, $300,000. A day. To stand under a fucking tree with weapons all day. Like little farm cows in a pasture huddled in the shade (I know they are pigs but the imagery is different) however they are fitted with batons, pepper spray and automatic weapons.

Q: Why are you and your cronies so against people sleeping in their cars on campus?

A: Sleeping in cars is bad. Paying for student housing is good. Slug Support will help you for ten minutes and put you in a dorm for two days and then move on.

Q: This question has multiple parts. How long can you hold your breath for? Do you think you could swim to Hawaii? Given your position and academic experience, what is your stance on the pursuit of science vs. the destruction of sacred land on Mauna Kea. Land that is at the finger tips of the UC because the US illegally overthrew the Hawaiian Kingdom, colonized, and destroyed the local economy and any chance at economic autonomy.

A: She tried to hold her breath (it was adorable) and then essentially said that’s a tough one.

OVERALL. As far as people in disgusting positions of power, we like her! She was silly and willing to be vulnerable. She was very open about what she did not know and made it very clear she is like all other chancellors in that she will never fight for the rights of the students or university employees. She was fun to interview and we look forward to talking again.


Han & Jules