Blumenthal Q & Avoid the question


Blumenthal Interview Highlights

Q: As an astrologer, you must be interested in the recent developments in space exploration. What do you think of Elon Musk and Grimes’ relationship?

A: I don’t know who Grimes is, and I’m not an astrologer… From an astronomer’s point of view, the main thing about Elon Musk is that he is the founder of SpaceX. I had dinner with Elon Musk six or seven years ago. Eight years ago. And he said that Tesla is a smart company, is ahead of its time, and might make a lot of money. But SpaceX, , one would have to be crazy to think that SpaceX is every going to return a profit.

Q: Well let’s cut to the chase, will you be going to Mars?

A: Not anytime soon, and I probably wouldn’t go to Mars. Why not? (**we didn’t ask) Well first of all, the number of years it would take, I don’t have the patience. Number two, I wouldn’t want to gamble against cosmic flares. A real danger of humans traveling to Mars is the danger of cosmic rays.

Q: If you could be any character in Scooby Doo, why would you choose Shaggy?

A: I don’t watch Scooby Doo, I’m sorry.

Q: What do you watch?

A: What do I watch… I watch the Big Bang Theory. DO you want to ask me which character on the Big Bang Theory I would like to be?

Q: Sure (** we knew what he was about to say)

A: I would love to be Sheldon. I think that would be so much fun to be Sheldon.

Investigative interviewers:

Hannah Ross

Cactus Yates

Julia Neal

This is what I remember without notes:

I’m pissed. We all are. And the public has a right to know the responses to topical questions straight from the dusty shell of a turtle’s mouth. We as a media outlet get the opportunity to interview the chancellor once a quarter. We did not take this responsibility lightly and brought up every hot-buttoned issue. We held nothing back. We are journalists. We are by and for the people. So, we asked the world renowned astrologer that hardest questions we could: Will you get out of here and go to Mars?

I didn’t really take notes but here is what I remember from his response: he said no. He declared the biggest threat facing students in this moment. This didn’t struggle to get out from under his heavy mustache. Blumie whispered it with such ease. So simple. So intense. So encapsulating of both the present and the past. cosmic rays. Now, once again, I wasn’t that attentive and mostly just played with my fake Blumenthal mustache that adorned our faces. They were attached with duct tape and definitely instilled fear. Solar flares could have been the biggest issue with traveling to mars, idk. Who cares. He used the “biggest issue” so I’m goin’ with that.

While talking about his night with Elon, he only mentioned what he remembered most. I would like to think that what he didn’t remember as well was when him and Elon made pasta from scratch a-la-Ghost pottery style. I’m not sure what he would keep that from us. Sounds beautiful.

He went on to basically say that he was in full support of a strike as long as it did absolutely nothing that a strike does like cause any difference in day-to-day operations on campus. He continued to say he’s fine if people demonstrate but not if it stopes people from going up to campus. Now, I’m no scientist, but I’m pretty sure the right to protest means.. the right to… protest? Once again not sure I didn’t take explicit notes.

Um, the rest was pretty boiler plate. They denied debts of the UC and blamed the lack of fair fund distribution on the state. I was really just focusing on pushing my mustache down and making sure when Marlene Tromp looked at me, my facial expression was as unwelcoming and cold as possible (for the people).

Finally, Squinty Turtle and Pseudo-Punk closed the evening by thanking us for our contribution to the world of journalism. She let us know how important we are and how we are basically doing gods work.

And to that I say: for sure