So apparently the Pringles mascot, or “Mr. P” as he has “always been known” and not “the monopoly guy’s weird, somehow hornier cousin” has undergone a total rebranding of his image. While concerning questions remain about what the “P” stands for in his name, his death marks a recent trend of mascots deaths and subsequent rebirths. Below listed are other mascots who, like the corporate end-state capitalist machine, deserve nothing less than the people’s violent and swift obliteration.
Remember this thing? How could we have been so blind to atrocities this foul demon would foment in the year 2020?
“Geico” the Lizard
Born without a name and an insatiable drive to sell car insurance, Mark Zuckerburg’s son and heir has enjoyed way too much airtime for his shitty commercials.
Captain “Cap’n” Crunch
A CIA operation to disguise literal crack and transport it into American cities under the Reagan Administration, this mascot also has smelly mustache vibes.
Apple Jacks Cinnaman
Often referred to as the “most stoner” mascot, many have strongly advocated for his obliteration. Paid for by Jeff Sessions
The Trix Rabbit
With bastard children estimated in the triple digits, it’s high time to stop him fucking.
The HoneyCombs Monster
Who let this near children?
The Lucky Charms Leprechaun
God do you know how easy it would be to kill this guy?