So apparently the Pringles mascot, or “Mr. P” as he has “always been known” and not “the monopoly guy’s weird, somehow hornier cousin” has undergone a total rebranding of his image. While concerning questions remain about what the “P” in his name stands for, his demise marks the latest incident in a recent trend of mascot deaths and subsequent rebirths. But if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em. Listed below are other mascots who, like the corporate end-stage capitalist machine, deserve nothing less than the people’s violent and swift obliteration.
Baby Peanut
Remember him? How could we have been so blind to atrocities this foul demon would foment in the year 2020?
“Geico” the Lizard
Born without a name and an insatiable drive to sell car insurance, this green little monster has enjoyed way too much airtime for his shitty commercials.
Captain “Cap’n” Crunch
A CIA operation to disguise literal crack and transport it into American cities under the Reagan Administration, this mascot also has smelly mustache vibes.
The Trix Rabbit
With bastard children estimated in the triple digits, it’s high time to stop him fucking.
The Honeycomb Monster
Who let that thing near children?
The Lucky Charms Leprechaun
God, do you know how easy it would be to kill this guy?
