Biden Administration to Reform Drone Program by Affixing Speakers Playing Pete Seeger to Them


After receiving essentially no criticism for his pick for Director of National Intelligence Avril Haines who claims to “speak truth to power”, but during the Obama administration generally “spoke commands to drone strike civilians” the administration has revealed a comprehensive reform package to rebrand America’s controversial drone program. 

While critics of the program have called it “war crimes”, proponents point to how “dope” America’s fleet of murder robots are. Avril Haines, Biden’s pick for Director of Intelligence has developed a reputation as a reformer after rebranding the CIA’s waterboarding program as a “mandatory spa stay with complimentary hot-towel”. While some say Haines and the Obama-Biden administration didn’t close Guantanamo Bay as promised, continued torturing people and used drone strikes at a rate that far exceeded any president until Trump, Biden has repeatedly praised her as a reformer.

The cornerstone of the reform plan includes a scheme to affix speakers playing Pete Seeger’s songs “This Land is Your Land” and “Mack the Bomb” to the outside of UAVs active in Afghanistan and Yemen and a new paint job featuring a large painting of Uncle Sam shrugging his shoulders and going “oops” to the remaining UAV fleet.