It’s Like We’re Living in a Banana Republic, Says Nordstrom’s Employee

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“I can’t believe what’s going on in here,” said local Nordstrom’s manager, Ohl Sonf, upon walking in and seeing her employees recklessly hanging dresses in the blouses section and blouses in the shirt section. “We’re better than this, aren’t we?” she continued as she noticed flags recklessly strewn about the walkways and sandals in the discount shoe rack. “This isn’t what we stand for, this isn’t who we are, Nordstroms is a respectable family clothing store, not some crazy Banana Republic where anything goes!”

The day of crisis at Nordstrom’s was not an instantaneous event, regional officer Janet Mordstrom noted. “This didn’t happen without direction, these employees didn’t do this on their own. They were incited,” said Mordstrom as she nevertheless continued her work accounting all of the monthly profits in the tri county area. “There is one person responsible for this, and it’s night manager Herschel Mansam.”

Mansam, a noted rabble rouser and fashion iconoclast, had been making dubious claims about the legitimacy of sale items for months. “Just because it has a red tag doesn’t mean it’s 50 percent off,” Mansam said, lying about the sale conditions to save the best outfits in the back for himself. “I bear no responsibility for what happens during the day shift.”

It is still unclear if Mansam will face consequences for his flagrant disregard for the founding Nordstroms document, the employee handbook. Many have called for his termination, and he has been given an official “strike” on his record, but he was able to evade the rules by quitting before he was fired.