Opinion: The Only Pan-demic I Care About is This Great Sale on Sauciettes, Woks, and Cast-Iron Cookware!

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By Justin Case, Pan Salesman

Get on down to Justin Case’s Pan Warehouse today! There’s no reason why you can’t leave the house, because the pannnnnn-demic is only here at Justin Case’s Pan Warehouse! Right now many Americans are stuck at home with their old, scratched worn out pans and they just can’t stand it! It’s a national emergency!  Our world today has gone crazy, crazy for our insanely low prices on pans of all shapes and sizes! We have frying pans, cast iron pans, skillets, sauciettes, woks, juju pans, pan flutes, Wilem Dafoe’s own line of specialty pans, and even the luxurious one of a kind Tzulebenar Pan straight from Japan! I can think of absolutely no reason why you shouldn’t be at Justin Case’s Pan Warehouse right now! In every state, we can see the numbers growing exponentially, the number of pans sold that is! There’s no vaccine against the pan fever that’s sweeping the nation, and even if there was it would be reserved for the very elite to receive first, making you wait months or even years to stop you from getting the pan buying disease that’s got 1 in ten American saying: “We love Justin Case’s Pan Warehouse!”