“God fucking damn it George,” said St. Elmo resident nurse Brets Andrets for what must be the god fucking damn zillionth time as she entered the COVID ward of the hospital for her shift to find that hospital patient George Stephopolus had repeatedly came all over himself during the previous night. “This is sick, George, you’ve been in here like four separate times since the pandemic started and you’re taking up space that people who didn’t get sick on purpose actually need. Do you just immediately start licking every surface on public transport right after you get out of the hospital?”
Between successive rasping gasps of choking, pleasure, coughing, choking again, pleasure, pleasure, and finally coughing again, George feebly nodded the affirmative before spasming in uncontrollable ecstasy as he came again and again.
“I’m a fucking hero,” said head physicain and real life hero Dr. Shawnda Trusty. “But to even try with that guy you’ve got to be sick in the head. House M.D. of the hit show House never had to deal with this, and his whole deal was being able to fix whatever wacko came his way! In fact, House never even had one person come on him during the whole course of the show, probably because he was maybe a bit ugly and had personality issues but you know it was also a fictional show.”
At press time, George was being given an experimental treatment that would either permanently cure him of the coronavirus or make his dick fall off, with both options being wins in the eyes of the doctors.