Trump Maintains Stance that Ballots Should Not Be Counted After Election Day, Claiming that it’s Impossible to Count Past the Number Eleven


In a late night press conference in the White House on Monday, President Trump reaffirmed his stated opinion that no ballots should be counted past election day, because counting is, like, hard and it hurts his brain. Furthermore, the president made the baseless claim that no one can count above the number eleven, as that is as high as numbers go with our current understanding of math. 

“What about twelve,” asked Washington Post correspondent Adam Sulversonman as the president began leaving the podium to return to watching late night TV. Upon hearing the question the president turned to Sulversonman with a look of great bewilderment and raised his middle finger.

“Shut the fuck up Sulversonman,” said the president, who of late has had a tumultuous relationship with the press and Sulversonman, especially after their recent divorce. “If you think you know more about math more than me why don’t you come up here to the blackboard and give a lecture on group theory and then go ahead and explain game theory to me,” said the president as he pulled several advanced mathematics textbooks from within his overcoat and hurtled them at Sulversonman.