Manager Review – Ted Klipner, By Adam Sandler

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Hello my adoring fans, its ME, adam stanler, probalby better known by the ladies as the SEXIST man alive. I would review a movie but piece of shit disease still deciding to ruin my career. Let me cut to the cake. I recieved bunch of letters from my sheeple fans after I EXPOSED my manager name of ted klipner for being a DINK, but aparently that didnt satisfy you people. You want me to tear him to smithereens, do you? You want me to throw him in the dumpster and spit? TOUGH SHIT dingus, I’m not gonna do that. In fact, let me say a few humble words about this man. Ted kipner is nice, good manager, and most importantly sexy. I wish he would never get hit by truck.

WOOSH fooled you twice, didnt I? All that stuff I said was a bunch of junk and LIES. Heres a tip: read that whole sentence again but put a bunch of NOTs in there. Why? Oh nothing… just cause my manager of ted klipner is the biggest DIPSTICK on earth, case closed.

Still don’t believe me? What do you need, bunch of proof of ted klipner being a dink? Easy peasy, the evidence is literally a mile long. Here are top ten reasons my manager is a dink:

  1. Bald (If your bald no offense but just remember that makes me better than you.)
  2. Drinks VOSS
  3. Bad taste in cinema
  4. Calls cops on me TOO MUCH
  5. Wont let me tickle him
  6. POOR
  7. Listens to bugs (THE BEATLES)
  8. Didnt come to my violin recital
  9. BEATS me with a STICK
  10. Snores too loud when i watch him at night
  11. Doesnt even sleep with a teddy
  12. Eats PEETA chips (worst chips)
  13. Allregic to dumb stuff like DUST and GETTING HIT BY A TRUCK
  14. Drives a stupid jaguar
  15. BARREN BALLS
  16. Won’t let me test my new disease Sandleritis on him
  17. Refuses to call me SON
  18. Smells like meatloaf
  19. Cant do macarena for SHIT
  20. Doesnt let me have two push pops. I AM AN ADULT
  21. Cant lift me
  22. Watches boring old people shows like STARS WARS
  23. Has WEAK BONES disease
  24. wouldn’t let me do Hat City (city made of all hats where I am mayor)
  25. PRETTY SURE HES A VEGERTARIAN
  26. Put me in shit movie CLICK
  27. Hates doobies
  28. His parents are DEAD (bullet dodged)
  29. Wears FRUIT OF THE LOOM
  30. ONION HIPS

There you are. As you can see, my manager Ted Klipner is a dink. Merry Christmas and to all a good night.

Love,

Adams “Big Rick” Salner, movie star