Zoom Struggles, Pornhub Shines

Pornhub hosts a variety of educational content

In the new age of online learning, Zoom has found itself remarkably well poised to deliver an entire nation’s education. However, as Zoom’s numerous security flaws have come to light, the amateur has been dominated by a bigger, older company.

While alternative services such as Microsoft Teams have worked hard to pick up those deterred from Zoom, only Pornhub has been able to catch the eye of major educational institutions. With a tremendous streaming infrastructure and security system already in place, Pornhub showed remarkable flexibility in its readiness to adapt to live video conferences. As of publication, California’s UC system, the University of Texas system, and multiple state legislatures have announced a move to Pornhub to all official businesses. In a press statement, UC President Janet Napolitano said, “This whole online learning thing isn’t great, but on the bright side Pornhub is no longer blocked on school computers.”

Pornhub CEO Rocky Balboner described the situation as a no brainer. “We just gave the professors cam girl accounts and charged the schools for it.” Elaborating on the company’s commitment to education, he continued, “we’re willing to get on our knees and give students anything, ANYthing they need.” 

The move has been met with near unanimous approval from the nation’s student body. In a remote interview, UCSD student Porna Dict said, “It’s not at all surprising.” Hunkered down in a dimly lit room beside what he described as his “lotion collection,” Dict continued. “First they make porn for the deaf and blind, and now this. I’ve been a fan of this company for years and have been a frequent visitor to their site, they do some really remarkable things.” Another student, Nue Dist, was excited that lectures no longer required her to get dressed. “On Zoom I have the obligation to at least wear a shirt,” Dist remarked, “but on Pornhub its fully acceptable to be naked.