Son who doesn’t complain about his mother’s nagging to do chores deemed “simp” by younger brother

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Fresno, CA; 3:35 PM

According to numerous sources, at 3:35 PM on Thursday, April 16, local brother and resident kiss ass Neville Haverford was referred to as a simp by his younger brother, Charles. When yelled towards by their mother to “take out the rubbish,” Neville allegedly closed his book, got up off the couch, and proceeded to remove the garbage bag from the kitchen and dispose of it outside. Upon return, Charles reportedly paused his Youtube video to mock his brother for heeding his mother’s wishes, inciting a quarrel for what seemed to be seconds. Upon slander being directed towards him, prosecutor Neville pursued legal action, summoning a hearing of both high judges of the district, demanding a formal trial for the egregious offense that had occurred. Defendant Charles failed to appear to the scheduled trial, instead pleading not guilty and calling his elder brother an “ass-kissing simp bitch” while resuming his top 10 Fortnite dances video. When re-summoned by high judge Mother, the court transcript shows Charles as making a fart noise first with his mouth and subsequently with his booty hole. Reports indicate Neville was so enraged he later only donated $50 to his favorite E-girl streamer with the simple message: “I’m sad :(“