It has been at the very least suggested that human activities have been influencing global climate patterns; the gastrointestinal tract of cows is causing atmospheric warming, Florida is gurgling for air like your wide Aunt Nancy cramping in the pool, and crop failures have farmers wishing they had a degree in financing. What’s more, climate change has assisted in the spread of the Sigatoka fungi plant disease in Central America, an area that provides much of the world with the beloved banana fruit.
This means that as biodiversity decreases and farmers lose their gusto, the banana fruit will become an honorary member on the list of extinct species. Bye bye, banana bread! Sayonara, strawberry banana smoothie! Adios, phallic representation in middle school sex education! Failed to be considered is the state of the beloved banana flavored laffy-taffy post banana fruit extinction. As our memory fades and generations pass without the taste of a banana fruit, how will our generation and those to come conceptualize the fruity delicacy that is the banana laffy-taffy? Our children’s Halloween candy trading market is likely to crash, as this ambrosia of the candy kingdom will be “othered” into Tootsie roll territory.
Five years after the extinction of the banana fruit, you may find yourself in the grocery store pushing your shopping cart past the candy aisle, stopping as the yellow wrapping of the banana laffy-taffy catches your eye.“Banana…?” you read. How familiar, but you can’t quite put your finger on this…this…what is this? This “banana”?
“Momma? What’s ‘banana’?” little Joey calls out from the front seat of the shopping cart.
Memories begin to flood in; summer sequences of fruit salads cause confusion, sandwiches of peanut butter and something else, yet all you can clearly recall is the color “yellow”.
“I…I don’t know Joey” you respond, dismissing this amnesiac montage and pushing onward. Banana. Banana. What is ‘banana’?
After this, you can not put your mind at ease. You call your childhood best friend,
“Hey, Debby. How’s your family, how’s Oregon. Good? Good. Say, you don’t remember what a banana is, do you?” Debby mutters a few words incoherently before hanging up. You try to call Debby again, but the line is dead. You never hear from Debby again after that.
Ten years after the extinction of the banana, your mental state takes a deep dive after you were fired for writing a financial report using only the letters in the word “banana” and your partner left with your son after they came home to find you painted the entire house yellow. As the cherry on top of your own cerebral catastrophe, the global climate has warmed 2.7 degrees Celsius annually, Indonesia has long since sunk, and hurricanes hit harder than Hades. We have plummeted face first into our own self demise.
Global climate change will make life a living hell, starting with life without the banana fruit.