Frat House Converts Spare Room to Title IX Office to “Save Time”

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It was the only solution I could think of,” says Steve-Mikey Ryan, president of UCSC’s largest and oldest fraternity, Alpha Delta Bacon, “and it’s proven to be incredibly efficient.” ADB is the only frat thus far to take substantial, progressive action against assault at UCSC. “Now, if there’s ever an ‘incident’ [Steve uses air quotes], we just walk into Miriam’s office and give her the deets. No more waiting in lines at Kerr hall!”

Steve-Mikey and I sit together in the living room, staring at a framed poster of the 2015 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition cover. To the right of us is a foosball table whose plastic soccer players have been ripped out and replaced by nude, headless barbies. To the left of us is a hallway connecting the house’s five bedrooms. Ryan explains, “That one there is Chris’, then Ken’s, Connor’s, Cody’s, and Miriam’s, our title IX rep.” 

I inquire about the last-minute cancelation of ADB’s annual pajama party and he shifts uncomfortably.

“Miriam said we’re not allowed to kick girls out for wearing pajamas.”

I pause. 

“Wait, what do you guys wear at the party?”

He stares at me blankly. “Pajamas.”

“Then what are the girls supposed to wear?”

He suddenly throws his head back and wails, “Not pajamas!” He bursts into tears and I lift my hand to pat his shoulder. “They’re supposed to wear bras!” he sobs.

Steve apologizes and explains his current struggle with self-image.

“I can’t go to the gym since Miriam says I’m not allowed to unsolicitedly explain to girls how weights work.”

“You could still go!” I offer.

“And do what?” He shakes his head and offers me some tea. After I accept, he pours two white claws into a saucepan on the stove and adjusts the flame. We sit and drink our “tea” on the back porch and watch the sun set behind the die table.