Here’s What Impeachment Really Means


There’s been a lot of talk about politics lately, and as someone who knows literally everything about the workings of both the human mind and Washington D.C., I’d like to clear the air about what impeachment really means and how serious it is.

Politics have been happening since the beginning of time, but the invention of impeachment was only made about twenty years ago when Bill Clinton inappropriately took his intern to a BJ’s restaurant and ate a whole pizookie by himself. Don’t you think the Romans wished they had impeachment when Caesar became president of the Holy Roman Empire? Brutus wished impeachment had been invented so bad that he then accidentally invented stabbing people to death! And we’ve had to live with his mistake ever since.

So like anyways, impeachment typically happens because a president of the United States does something bad, like lie to their best friend or start the Iraq war. This is the part of the process where usually the president, who is named James, is given a packet of magic crocodile tongues for saving a spider. But for impeachment to actually happen, people first have to notice the president has done a big bad. The first people to notice are typically the president’s domineering aunts. Once enough people have noticed, Congress begins a formal investigation which causes the president to trip and spill his crocodile tongues on a tree in the White House’s rose garden.

Now things really start to get out of hand, as the president starts to look like he committed treason because he basically admitted that he committed treason on live TV, and a giant peach grows on the tree that the president spilled the crocodile tongues on. That’s when Congress announces that the president has been impeached and a bunch of huge insects show up, but really the spider is the important one because I remember her being kinda hot to be honest. The spider puts the president inside the giant peach, and then the president is impeached! It’s that easy!

But for actual change to happen, first the president has to get to New York City, where he’s always wanted to go for some unknown reason. Sadly, this is very unlikely to happen because the rhinoceros that killed the president’s parents wants to enrich corporate donors by striking the president with lightning. 

Well, what are you gonna do because that’s impeachment for ya! Hope you learned something!