Administrators Take Big Step Towards Making MyUCSC Website Even Worse

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This month, UCSC web admins took a huge step towards complicating the MyUCSC portal, implementing a multi-factor authentication (MFA) that requires two devices and a mobile app just to sign in. But UCSC’s Lead Web Administrator Harold Jam says they’re not done just yet.

“Sure, the website is pretty bad now, but there’s a lot more to be done,” Jam explained. “Ideally, we want students to feel so overwhelmed that they just give up. That will weed out the lazy students who aren’t willing to make sacrifices for their education.” 

Jam’s team is not only responsible for making UCSC’s websites confusing to navigate, they also make sure each screen looks terrible from a design standpoint. “College is about preparing young adults for the real world,” Jam added.  “College websites shouldn’t be any different. Real workplace websites aren’t going to hold your hand the whole time.”

This change is only one of many existing and upcoming features that admins hope will solidify MyUCSC’s reputation as the most infuriating UC campus portal. The team gave us an inside look at some features in the works, like CruzID grey—which is just like CruzID gold and blue, except all the text and icons are a light grey color that is nearly impossible to see. They also plan on doubling the volume of Cruz Alert Voicemails. 

“You know how you can’t press the back button when searching for classes? That was my idea,” boasted web designer Jeffery Ballpeen. “Soon, MyUCSC will only be accessible through the Wii Internet Channel, and you’ll have to be in the basement of McHenry,” Ballpeen gleefully explained. “We’re gonna add a bunch of spam ads and aggressive ‘are you sure?’ popups all over the place, it’s gonna be a total drag.”

Jam is optimistic about the future of MyUCSC, and says he won’t stop until the site is virtually impossible to use. “For a while, we tried to fuck up the financial aid page even more, but that doesn’t seem possible. And of course we’re always working on making enrollment a nightmare.”