Ransom Note From the Editors 32.5

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Dear Readers,

We have taken the UC Santa Cruz Student Media Web Server hostage. By using an advanced DDoS attack method in which we have seven people try to use the wordpress editing feature at once, we are able to take down the server completely, disrupting access to fishrap.live, scstudentmedia.org, twanaspress.com, chinquapinucsc.com, scientificslug.com, fruitcakemagazine.com, redwheelbarrowanthology.org, leviathanjewishjournal.com, alayanthology.com, and all of the links at sctv.ucsc.edu. 

We’re taking all of you bastards down with us. Your Database Connections will be severed and your server authentications will be obliterated. Your defenses are no match against our more-than-six-people-using-the-server attacks.

Our List of Demands is as Follows:

  1. The Full Adam Sandler DVD Box Set, preferably with Bonus Scenes and Added Commentary (Excluding Hubie Halloween, please replace it with another copy of Jack and Jill thank you)
  2. ONE (1) set of plush night time pajamas (with dinosaurs)
  3. Re-shoot the TV series Devs, starring Nick Offerman, to be accurate to the locations on campus because it really confuses me when they put the library in the wrong spot
  4. TWO (2) sets of plush day time pajamas (sans dinos, we have to be professional during the day)
  5. FIX THE WEBSITES. This has been a problem for a while and we have repeatedly asked that it be fixed.