Stephen Breyer Already Made Merch in Anticipation of Becoming Next Big Feminist Icon


“So what? You’re telling me that Kagan and Sotomayor just get to skip the line for the next feminist icon because they’re chicks? That’s bullshit!” Said a visibly agitated and “Notorious SB” shirt clad supreme court justice Stephen Breyer as he argued with a potential customer at his folding card table on Monday afternoon. Many visitors to the solemn steps of the Supreme Court on Monday could hear the sounds of the respected legal thinker desperately trying to sell thousands of dollars worth of tshirts, stickers, and mugs that he had made expecting to become the next big judicial superstar.

“With all these people seeming to care about the Supreme Court nowadays, I thought to myself that this is ol’ Stevie’s time to shine,” yelled Breyer to a pedestrian that happened to glance in his direction while walking along the street as he idly rearranged his wares. “How about a shirt that has the style of one of my famous neckties or a copy of my book Active Liberty?” Pleaded the desperate Breyer as a crowd formed around a street performer standing perfectly still as his booth remained empty.