Copyright Infringement Hornets discovered in Santa Cruz


The discovery of a newly-invasive species of insect, dubbed the Copyright Infringement Hornet, is causing quite the buzz around Santa Cruz County. The bug is native to Russia, so it is not yet known how they made it all the way across the sea. 

The hornets were first found on this past Tuesday by amateur entomologist Hedd Thrax Abdulmen while he was searching for the probably fake Ohlone Tiger Beetle in upper campus of UCSC. “I was just lookin’ through the grass when I heard this creepy noise. I followed it and came upon this weird hive sitting on the ground,” he said. “It was green, and smelled faintly of butter. As I sat got closer to it, I realized I was hearing the dialogue of the award-winning 2019 film Parasite!” Hedd decided to sit and enjoy the remainder of the movie before he smashed the hive and collected a few specimens in a Ziplock bag. Amazingly, one of them was holding a tiny laptop computer with BitTorrent still running.

The FBI has issued a warning that advises the community to stay away from these “dangerous, criminal wasps.” One agent, who refused to be identified, insisted that “piracy is not a victimless crime,” and that “everyone should be very, very scared.” If you see any suspicious wasps, you are advised to call or (831) BAD-WASP, or just give ‘em a high-five.