Oh my god, this is sooo embarrassing! I can’t believe I left my webcam on during Zoom class! Everyone in Lit 180A: Critical Semiotics saw me do 50 push-ups in a row without breaking a sweat. They saw my chiseled arms effortlessly lift my slim yet finely muscled body! I mean, can you get any more humiliating? I hope no one looked at my stupid dorky bedroom. I would literally die if anyone saw my vintage 1965 Grateful Dead poster, or my copy of Infinite Jest. It even has a bookmark in it, so you can tell that I was actually reading and understanding it and not just pretending to be smart. Ugh, I’m such a nerd! But like, a ripped, athletic nerd with a sensitive side. Those are the worst kind! Oh, crap, where did this box of extra large condoms come from? God, I’m so sorry, I should really be more professional. Uh oh, now my dog’s trying to eat them! Sparky, no! This is Sparky, by the way. He’s a goldendoodle-terrier mix, and he’s a rescue, obviously. Hey, Sparky, stop licking the sweat off my face! That’s gross! So, yeah, does anyone know how to turn the webcam off? I tried putting a piece of tape on it, but that only gave the video a glamorous gauzy sheen reminiscent of early silent films. Oh, well, I guess I’ll just leave it on until class ends. Hope I didn’t interrupt anything!