DIY Cum Jar

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Art by Torrey Wormson

1. The Jar: The quality of your jar can really make or break how your presentation. For budget friendly options, use a mason jar or any glass container with sealable lid. These aren’t requirements though. In the end you should cum in whatever makes you happy. But be sure to choose a container that is clear – you want to see your progress!

2. Decor: 

Figurines: Having some kind of figurine in your jar can aid you in your cumming endeavors. Whatever turns you on, turns a plain cum jar into something much more intimate and personal.

Glitter: Stir glitter into the layers of you cum after each session so that when your RA looks into your dorm, they might think “that’s not a cum jar” even though it is. Or, use glitter glue on the outside of the jar for a more asthetically pleasing jerk-off session.

Stickers: Stickers on the outside of the jar will make your jar look more cute, like the Hydroflasks that people carry that you can’t afford. The best part about stickers is the versatility with which you can decorate. Funny or cute, stickers can pesonalize your jar and make it feel more “you.”

Food Dye: Coloring your cum can give the jar a more artistic approach. Like the sand art that you can buy at any midwestern gift shop, your cum can create mountains and trees through the power of food coloring. Beautiful layered patterns of jizz can give you the swirling patterns of a morden Jackson Pollack.  

3. Placement: Where you store the cum jar itself is almost as important as where you store the cum. For more embarrassment and repression, store your cum jar somewhere secretive in order to better build up internalized guilt. For a more brazen and visibly off-putting to others feel, store your cum jar in a public place for others to see. If you have roommates, ask them where the cum jar should be located and discuss the possibility of a collaborative jar. 

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Emily Perkins
Born in scenic, idyllic Chino next to the women's prison where some of the Manson girls are still kept, Emily was an okay student, excelling only in kissing up to language arts teachers' asses. Today, she can be found on Crown hill hiding from the gamers and talking about the 60s as if she really was a Manson girl.

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