MAN FIGHTS WIND

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oh god its so windy

Working by the light of a flickering candle and stack of papers he had accidentally lit on fire, FBI watchlist member and UCSC professor of metaphysics, Quentin LeMuffeinstein had his first stroke of genius, as well as his first actual stroke: High wind conditions wouldn’t be able to take out his power if he built his own power company just as Justin “Shambusiness” Piegenee did well over a hundred years ago. 

“The idea first came to me when I was trying to reproduce the experimental findings of Doc Brown et. al in my lab,” said LeMuffeinstein. “The procedure requires several gigawatts of power and the crumbling infrastructure around my tent in the woods kept getting blown down by this guy who was breathing really hard after walking up the hill. So I just started attaching power lines to trees like PG&E does and began putting like a billion volts of electricity through the system. Then all of the sudden I had a net worth of 90 million dollars and was named one of Forbes’ 70 under 70.”

LeMuffeinstein’s groundbreaking electrical grid relies on several technologies which PG&E has been slow to utilize such as a Newmann’s energy machine, a NASA “impossible” emDrive engine, and basic maintenance of equipment. With the use of these innovative devices and techniques, LeMuffeinstein has been able to maintain service for an astonishing 72 hours without interruption, beating the current record held by PG&E by about 71 ½ hours. But even though LeMuffeinstein is an undeniable genius, some wind scientists warn that his actions may anger the wind through their brazen defiance.

“In the coming days the wind could become strong enough to knock down power lines constructed out of bricks as well as those made from sticks or straw,” said prominent wind scientist Ignacious Izzard. “It’s really hard to explain how wind works so I drew this picture of an angry cloud trying to blow over a car so the public can understand how dangerous it could be. If the conditions worsen I may even upgrade my prediction to a rating of two angry clouds who are lighting a molotov cocktail.”

When asked if he was afraid of the many dangers the high winds cause, LeMuffeinstein replied by simply screaming and punching the air for ten minutes straight.