FLIRTY PG&E PLAYS HARD TO GET WITH CRUCIAL, LIFESAVING INFORMATION

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lol your so funny wanting electricity lmao

Over the weekend PG&E, California’s shiftless power conglomerate and utility company with both the domineering overreach of Darth Vader or Mussolini and the bumbling incompetence of Jar Jar Binks or Mussolini, decided now was a great time to turn off the power because if the unusually gusty wind damages their infrastructure which is apparently held together with spit and glue sticks, they could accidentally blow up another California city like they did in San Bruno seven or eight years ago. 

PG&E decided to hold one short press conference as they did a couple of weeks ago when they did the exact same thing. They decided to pick whichever employee at PG&E fucked up most recently, put him at a podium in front of the enraged populace and give him zero information. 

After this press conference we learned the power might go off “in the future” as opposed to the present or past, which is a marked improvement from PG&E’s previous practice of only holding hindsight press conferences where some guy comes out to a candlelit podium and is like, “Hey, did you notice we turned off the power, oops”. 

PG&E, which now must enclose the word “electric” in quotations as part of false advertising legislation, also kicked its Twitter presence into full gear. Head of the utility Tim Peegee Enee directed its full time social media intern to stop picking relatable fights with Wendy’s on Twitter and get into full information mode. The PG&E Twitter promptly tweeted a vague reiteration of the press conference and resigned itself to coyly answering DMs for the next several hours.

“Hey, PG&E, when is the power going to come back on, so I can have central heating again and not die,’’ tweeted one person. PG&E promptly responded “I dunno, wanna come over rn and talk about it? Maybe you can fix your vibes and then we’ll see”. 

After these dismissive responses were met with largely negative feedback and only a few likes from other power monopolies like Con Edison and XCel Energy, other power cartels that have carved up the country, PG&E announced a shift in their social media strategy, but remained firm on their stance that a power company doesn’t necessarily need to be a “company that sells power”. 

In a leaked internal memo PG&E corporate leadership was seen suggesting safer “power-related topics of social media posts” including  AC/DC lyrics, clips from the children’s program The Electric Company and daily reminders that while PG&E might be incredibly inept they didn’t make elephant based snuff films like Con Edison did in their past.

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