LET US TRY THE 9/10 JUNGLE JUICE

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The 9/10 dining hall is being renovated, including a full renovation of their dish room. Because of this, students must eat with compostable plates, bowls, and silverware. Food is put into compost bins by students, plates and silverware are thrown into the trash, and, most importantly, all liquids are poured into a large container at the front of the dining hall. This glorious concoction is the 9/10 dining hall jungle juice.

Imagine the savory soups of the day combined with leftover Marshmallow Mateys milk and a dash of Pepsi. Its taste is far beyond what mortal beings could even consider on this realm of existence, beyond anything laid out in any religion or self-help book. An expansion from yourself into the great beyond, better than any high you could ever imagine. The puke-brown liquid flows down your throat with a surprising saccharine sweetness, nectar, the assortment of every liquid 9/10 has to offer all at once.

The plebians who work the 9/10 dining hall appear to find the mere mention of the juice disgusting, showing the indoctrination that this university places upon its students. UCSC strives to conceal what wonders the cocktail can give, and is dedicated to preventing the students obtaining said juice.

Realize now, dear reader, that the inscrutable origin of the juice empowers it, and that the juice may empower you, despite what disparaging comments university officials are inclined to say about the juice.  Ignore the officials. Yearn for its taste.

Some might say that this juice is far past what a mortal human being is capable of understanding. To that I say nay, my fellow comrades, the jungle juice of 9/10 is property created by the students for the students, helping us onto our paths to enlightenment. 

The expansion of our minds can only occur through the consumption of the sweet, savory juice and the high, illuminated understanding will quite naturally come with it. I encourage all patrons of the 9/10 dining hall to purloin a swig of the meade of the gods, to drink the 9/10 jungle juice and find your path to enlightenment.