Hello there. As the quarter winds down, I would just like to say a few things on the subject of appropriate behavior. I didn’t think this would have to be said, but here I am, in a stained lime green chair in Terry Freitas, forced to put this out in the world: pianos in public study spaces are actually very off-limits. In fact, they are only there to distinguish and separate the people who think it’s ok to fucking hammer and wait on the keys in a room full of people focusing, and, you know, any functioning human with at least a thimble full of social awareness. I cannot fathom the confidence one must posses to think it’s okay to play “Stay” by Rihanna with massive pause breaks in between every chord change. Even if you are playing Bach or Beethoven or Chopin or Mozart and those are the only composers I know, it’s still fucking flabbergasting you would dare sit your derriere on that piano bench. No one is impressed. Everyone is just anxious. The room is full of inspiration and quickly bestowed to me a new muse. Readers. Learn from this man. I saw him inhale seven pieces of gum a la Kirby. (Ya I made a smash bros reference, what of it.) I don’t know where the gum went and I guess I’m just worried. You don’t need to flex the power of your jaw so hard. Mine clicks and I already feel shitty enough. Understand you are making everyone scared and self-critical. So stay safe out there and parcel out your pack, especially it it’s something as heinous as Bananas Foster Extra Dessert Delights.
FINALLY, and I say this with so much passion: Don’t. You dare. Watch Big Mouth in the comfiest chair without headphones. Having the volume up only two notches is still very loud in a silent finals week cafe. It’s not fair. I want to watch with you. Take is elsewhere. And wait for me because I’m just about done with stats.