The Courtesy Smile is an evil, whose swift ubiquitous destruction would bring about public rejoice, 30-day cruise ship festivals, and worldwide cease-fires. There were some who thought the current pandemic, which requires the use of a face mask, would banish the Courtesy Smile into the agonizing abyss it deserves, never to return; they wouldn’t have met John Philupps of Littletown, Ohio. In an effort to preserve an ageless cultural practice from certain death, resistance grew in the heart of Phillups, 64, who made it his mission to let every passerby that he cares enough to smile, (but not really ’cause, c’mon, who’s he fooling? He’s hardly trying, so what’s even the point?) even with this neat new facemask fad. Phillups and his wife, Karen, created in their 560 square foot garage Phillups & Phillups™, a brand dedicated to fighting human and Courtesy Smile extinction. The inconvenience of pulling down one’s mask every time one passes an absolute stranger on the sidewalk, just to give ’em your best self-satisfying shit-munchin smirk was just not cuttin’ it in these trying times. Thanks to the innovative new Phillups and Phillups Courtesy Mask™ you can both flatter and patronize every worthless imbecile who has the misfortune of lumbering into your infinite gaze. Available on etsy for $34.99, all proceeds support John and Karen Phillups, and an order of $80 or more will garner free shipping and Karen’s world famous fruitcake.
