It’s me, adams sandler (you might remember me as handsome hunk #3 in your childhood dreams). Today i am coming in HOT with a new movie review. Let me guess, I bet you’re excited as can BE to hear about all the new adam sandler flicks coming to theatres near you. Well TOUGH SHIT pal, theres NO good movies out right now cuz of new disease they invented name of cornora virus. If you’re living on a rock and havent heard of hottest new virus in town, you should be ashamed. Only good excuse is if youve been to busy watching adam sandler movies, then i forgive you. I bet your probably saying, “virus?? yuck! Aren’t those just little bugs that make you sneeze?” Well I got bad news for you buckaroo, there are literally HUNDREDS of viruses in the world, and they WILL KILL YOU if you dont eat your fruits and veggies.
I’ve never gotten a virus before because i am immune to disease (I drink potions), but from what ive heard, this one seems like a FLOP. Aparently you gotta wait 5 days to even get sick??? Excuse me…WHAT?? If i had to wait at movie theater 5 days before seeing the darn movie i would probably get super annoyed. What about the symptons? Lets see… coughing, bad breath, being warm… None of those are even that cool. Good examples of symptoms is diharrea, sneezing, and coma. To the critics giving cornoravirus 5 stars, I suggest you check yourself into a psychology ward.
If you want to catch an actually cool disease, you might have heard about the one i invented, name of Sandleritis. If you get this disease, its a win-win. Symptoms are brain enlargement, slow death, and nightmares starring ME. If you know any sientist who wants to make my vision come true, please email me at adamssandler.com, i guarentee you will become a famous hero. Anyway, have a good summer or else.
Love, Adams “Beast Slaya XX” Saldner, movie star