1. Diet Friend
Is your trash just piling up by your bedside? Slap on some googly eyes an empty soda can to grant it sentience and congrats! Now you have your very own quarantine buddy. Stare into its soul and realize you have granted it a life and cognisance and who are you to do so and that to take it away would be ungodly and cruel. But what have you ever known about any god you heretic–you who has fumbled with unknown powers when you heated up your brutish glue gun and clumsily stuck plastic eyes on a piece of aluminum, creating your very own Adam. No! He does not belong to you! For he is not your creation, your monster! He is alone in this horrific, chilling universe because of you–he did not ask to be born–none of us do. Our lives are short and violent until they are eventually ripped away from us all.
2. Image Aggregation
Hunt down some old magazines and go absolutely crazy with some scissors! Remember, collages don’t always have to be about pictures– here’s some examples!
Are you being forced to make conversation with your family even though you have nothing new to discuss because nothing new has happened to you since the last time you have spoken to them? Have you been made to play a 6 person board game with 3 people? Have you considered the possibility that you may have consumed every piece of media on both Netflix and Hulu? Well, boy oh boy, is this the craft for you. Simply start by weaving up from your feet, in a pattern similar to a cross-stitch. The precise nature of your stitch is personal and totally up to the weaver, but I prefer the double back friendship bracelet knot, as I find it nostalgic, secure, and totally cute! Once you get to your waistline, don’t forget to cinch in the middle, or you’ll have a hell of a time eating your way out! Once I get to roughly my neck I scuttle on over to wherever I have decided to dangle from that season and attach the base– guys, I cannot make this clear enough– please please please use thick enough attaching strands! You do not want to end up on your head like I did my first time! Then seal it up and take a load off– you earned it.