Fuck, the Treasury Deparment Put Jason Derulo’s Face on All Money While We Weren’t Looking

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Those sneaky fucking bastards at the treasury department have done it again. While they started printing the $2 billion in stimulus money and we were busy focusing on getting Trump’s signature off of the relief checks, they went ahead and started printing money with Jason Derulo’s face on it. And it’s not just the worthless money like pennies or bitcoin, every single piece of U.S. currency has the face of the singer of hits such as “Swalla” and “Talk Dirty” boldly emblazoned across both sides.

This isn’t the first time the treasury department has pulled this shit either. A couple of years ago, they started saying they would start printing twenty dollar bills with Harriet Tubman on them, and then they pulled a classic Wile E. Coyote switcharoo and kept fucking Jackson on the bills. Jackson wouldn’t have even wanted to be put on money! During his presidency in which he basically massacred Native Americans, he was also profoundly against central banks and their function as money regulators.

It’s currently unclear if adding the real star of the movie “Cats” is a ploy to increase the value of the dollar against other currencies through the sheer sexual prowess of the nation’s horniest song writer.