All 17,870 Students Simultaneously Reserve Same 4th Floor McHenry Study Room


Calling the error “probably just as bad as that time Drew threw up and shit himself at the same time,” UCSC librarians were scratching their heads early Saturday morning as they tried to figure out exactly who had reserved McHenry 4366 at 3pm, while exactly 17,870 students stood impatiently outside waiting to get the room they reserved. Without checking to see if any other rooms were unoccupied or even considering studying in the basement, the collective student body demanded that they each be personally given the room.

“I know the room is mine because I’m friends with Joselyn, and Joselyn said she DEFINITELY got this room, and like, I believe she is a living embodiment of the word of god who can never be wrong,” said third year student Shawna Rooma. “And while I’m not even going to study or do group work in this room, I believe I have a divine right to this room, and I was going to meet my Tinder date who’s profile pictures look just like the new thin Jonah Hill, so like if you don’t give me the room I’m going to call the Santa Cruz Sentinel and tell them the library system cockblocked me.”

While a consecutive fifth librarian was being summoned to settle the dispute as to who would actually be able to use the room, freshman student Leif Mealone arrived to claim the room and the floor of McHenry library collapsed under the weight of almost 18,000 people. As the rubble settled, a disappointed George Blumenthal sat watching the librarians bring down the little metal grate over the entrance to the library.

“It was only a matter of time,” he muttered as he took out his Iphone 3GS and used Siri to call UC President Janet Napolitano. “Send another batch of clones Janet, natural selection has won again.”

“Alright George,” replied Napolitano from her gothic castle in Northern Ireland. “But this is the last time. If they all die at again I’m going to mark this experiment a failure, and ask for your resignation.”

George sadly fumbled around for the red phone icon to end the call as a single teardrop fell down his cheek. He then returned to Kerr Hall to revamp the McHenry room reservation system.