I’m not sure how, but Florida got worse. Due to the atrocities of Hurricane Irma, the citrus industry in Florida has not been flourishing and profitable as per usual. Besides egregious news headlines, crime TV sets and The Kennedy Space Center, acidic juice is basically what Florida is known for. As a big supporter of a better future for Florida, this worries me. I’ve found my days consumed by questions. What are they going to put in the Miami club margaritas? NON Floridian limes?! Are you joking me?? NO THANK YOU. No matter how much cocaine and non-edible body glitter pulses through your system, you WILL notice the difference of the inferior imported foreign sour juice sacks.

Like… Mr. Worldwide is going to have to go… worldwide… for citrus now. I guess I’m just worried about my future. Florida is really the resting place for my people. What’s the point of complaining about the heat with fellow Jewish retirees if you don’t have a cold glistening glass of fresh Floridish squeezed lemonade to relax your tempers. You’ll have to stick to the second choice of yellow flavored off-brand Powerade. And I know what you’re thinking. Isn’t it time that we leave Florida alone? Don’t enough people make fun of it? Well, if any state would be low hanging fruit to grab, geographically and technically speaking it would be the protruding, drooping Sunshine State. Also the answer is simply no. I’m trying to bring attention to an issue that is important to me. Things are looking grim, and I’m getting anxious. But I guess its like they always say, if you can’t take the humidity, get out of the mosquito and pirate infested swamp marsh.

With love,